The Stapler

My Aunt Leslie was telling me about how while she was using the sewing machine to sew an exterior pocket onto some type of carry bag for her daughter Brooke she accidentally sewed right through her finger. Not wanting to lose the well made stitches already in place, she tried to finish the pocket before removing the needle/thread from her finger. At least that's how I remember it going. This in turn led me to share with her my stapler story.

Four score and a bunch of time ago, we had a jammed stapler at work. If I remember correctly, it was probably the stapler of some pretty girl. So of course I set about attempting to unjam the stapler and thus prove myself the deserving hero. Unfortunately my methods left much to be desired, especially in the common sense department. My solution was to grasp the stapler with both hands and squeeze really hard to force the jammed stapler out. Well it came out all right and -- my thumb being somewhat unfortuitously located right over the exit slot -- straight into my thumb, all the way. At first all I could feel was pride in my work, followed by the realization of the result, followed by a sort of detatched surprise and amusement, follwed by reality and pain. Now the pain was really not all that bad. Just a pinch was all. So I went around the office showing off my handiwork to all my co-workers. After the novelty of it wore off I turned my attention towards removing the staple. Because it was tightly pressed flush against my skin, I actually had to use a staple remover to get a hook on it and pull it out. Although I thought the pain of it going in was minimal, it was considerably worse as it came out. As a result, I have developed a healthy but wary respect for staplers. They are to be used with prudence and wisdom and not lightly trifled with. When your guard is down, and you least suspect it: WHAM!, they'll get you.

Of course Aunt Leslie countered with her story of almost cutting the tip of her finger completely off with a pocket knife as a girl and my Grandpa refusing to take her in for stitches prefering instead to use some type of brown plumber's goop to seal the wound. Well she says it worked, so I guess all's well that ends well. I can't give more details than that because it would threaten to outdo my own story, and after all, this is MY blog.