Introduction

Let me start out by explaining everything from the beginning. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Once upon a time, it came to pass that I was born of goodly parents. There is some debate as to whether it was intentional or not and also whether or not a certain elevator was in any way responsible for influencing the process or was merely an innocent bystander which just happened to be there. Unfortunately, said elevator has long since gone to meet Mr. Otis - his maker - and cannot therefore be questioned regarding the matter. Over the course of the net thirty some odd years, I lived in various places, ate various foods, met various people, owned various possessions, and did various things.

That brings us to The Great Relocation of December 2009. While walking along the straight and narrow path to eternal life, I unfortunately lifted my hand - off the iron rod as it were - to scratch an itch. Well one itch led to another, and before I knew it I was itching all over. Unfortunately - I seem to be using that word a lot - the scratching was a no-no, which eventually became an illegal no-no. As a result, the justice department suggested that I take an extended leave of absence from my life. There were most insistent. And so I found myself relocated (forcibly) to a local gated community, where I have been staying ever since.